Growing up in a severely narcissistic family system, I spent years trapped in a toxic cycle. I was conditioned to blame myself for the mistreatment – constantly questioning my worth, my intentions, and my reality until my spirit was inevitably broken. The pain from all of the shame, manipulation, neglect, and repeated abandonment I experienced from a parent - someone I thought was supposed to love me unconditionally - became so heavy that I turned to alcohol. While it did allow me to temporarily relieve the pain and drop all of the shame instilled in me, the negative effects and trouble I got into only gave my narcissistic parent exactly what they needed. They thrived on my failures. They needed me down - this meant they could keep escaping accountability and keep projecting their shortcomings onto me. I was caught in an endless spiral - with the truth buried beneath layers of gaslighting, smear campaigns, and terribly rotten lies being told to my family - all to keep control of their narrative and make others believe I deserved the way I was being treated.

In September 2021, I was fortunate enough to face a loss in my own life separate from my abuse that showed me it was time to get sober - for me - not in hopes it would please my abuser. This wasn't just about surrendering to what wasn’t working for me – it was also about surrendering to hope that my parent might actually see who I really am someday and it would be enough to treat me better. That is something that no one should have to accept, but it is the reality. I stayed strong and began to heal - and the abuse got worse. But this time I had clarity, confidence I never dreamed of having, and I had stepped into my authentic self for the first time. They couldn’t break me, I went no contact, and they still try to break me today. It’s not going to happen. I will not abandon myself for their comfort.

What I’ve learned in my experience is the unfortunate truth that many survivors of narcissistic abuse - particularly those who have suffered since childhood - struggle with defining their values and the ability to self-validate. How could we not? We’ve been invalidated our entire lives - we were taught to believe that it’s not ok to be yourself, experience valid emotions, have your own set of beliefs and values -or that the ones we do have are wrong - and the list goes on and on. Their behavior attempts to covet our birthrights for their own comfort.

This is the inspiration behind Gaslit Co. Through my journey, I discovered what I believe to be the birth place of recovery: a strong awareness of your values and self-validation. When we know what our values are, we have a roadmap to our emotions. When we experience emotions - we can reference back to our values to validate them. They work together. We start to make sense of ourselves and begin overwriting the code of self-doubt that was programmed into us. We find ourselves saying “Of COURSE I feel this way! How could I not?!” and “Of course I am upset, I value a healthy family system that offers authentic love and support!” I’m here to share my experience with those who resonate with it. To bring awareness to such a common and devastating type of abuse. To let others know that it is 100% possible to take back what they took from you - and the best part is, they don’t have to change anything about themselves for this to occur. Your emotional well-being, success, and authentic self are not dependent on the validation you’ll never authentically receive from them. Your light is bright - and it wasn’t designed to be on a dimmer switch available to those who cannot handle it.